25 Things

1. I hate tomatoes but love salsa. Yes, I realize they’re pretty much the same thing.
2. I daydream A LOT about Italy. I fell in love with the land, culture, people, and history while backpacking in Europe with friends after college. Sometimes I can hear it calling me back. “Leeeeileeeeennnn, Leeeeeileeeennnn…”, but in more of a big-fat-Italian-woman-yelling-at-me-to-get-out-of-her-restaurant kind of voice.
3. As a kid, I was convinced that my extraordinary young life was the subject of an ongoing documentary. Every joke I told, every milestone, every contemplative moment alone were all caught on tape by hidden cameras tracking my every move. A small part of me is still waiting for the video release of “The Leilen Show”.
4. I’m a wee bit neurotic about matching colors. Shirts match shoes, walls match curtains… you get the point. Working with my dad to choose the color scheme for my website was the only time I thought he might actually throw me out of his office. Being “matchy-matchy” is my one O.C.D.
5. I enjoy the Great Outdoors, but I don’t crave it the way my “woodsy” friends do. I’d rather go to a great museum and stare at paintings of beautiful sunsets and majestic mountains. Embarrassing, but true.
6. I’m filled with dread every time a small utensil slips down the kitchen drain. If there’s ever a time that my garbage disposal would mysteriously come to life I just know it would be when my unsuspecting fingers are dangly in its jaws.
7. I no longer correct people who mispronounce my name. I enjoy hearing the variations of name mutilation. It drives Honk bonkers.
8. I don’t like authentic cuisine. I’d take a greasy plate of nachos at the local Don Jose’s over real south-of-the-border tacos from a stand in Rosarito any day of the week.
9. I spent my entire childhood wishing I could be Pippi Longstocking, that adventurous, big-toothed redhead with levitating braids. I ached to fly an abandoned airplane by flapping my arms, commandeer an island overrun by pirates, and turn a bed into a hot air balloon. The pet monkey and horse I could do without, and maybe that whiney Aunika too, but Tommy I’d keep.
10. I’ve always enjoyed writing but never thought I was very good at it in high school. Now I teach kids how to write.
11. In the sixth grade, I was sent to the school district as a finalist in a penmanship competition. If you’ve seen my handwriting you understand how ironic that is.
12. I think my ears are otherworldly, very Lord of the Rings-ish. At Christmas, Honk always reminds me how good it is of Santa to let me, his most trusted elf, come home for the holidays.
13. I was born into a family of musicians but I can barely keep rhythm. I really didn’t mind except during family jam sessions when I became the “Clapper in the Wings”.
14. I love all things ancient. Someday I hope to go on an archaeological dig in Turkey or Iraq. I’d also love to learn how to read cuneiform. How cool would that be to write my grocery list in cuneiform? Lugging a wet clay tablet around Vons might get old though...
15. I really don’t like being in charge. Second or third in command is fine with me. This is strange considering I was a teacher, but there you have it.
16. I’m a hippie at heart, but don’t tell my husband this. I’ve spent the last ten years trying to convince him otherwise.
17. I love to drive around old cities and look at the houses. Beautiful Victorian architecture makes my heart race. If a wrap-around porch or dormer windows are involved, I might be moved to tears.
18. A bouquet of flowers is always nice, but a bag of starfish or sand dollars could really get my motor runnin’.
19. I was surprised by how natural motherhood came to me. I had never spent much time with babies and never claimed to suffer from “baby fever”. My first ever diaper change was in the maternity ward. But then, if those mothering instincts didn’t kick in! I remember calling Amber a few weeks after Lil' Miss's birth and proudly announcing, “She’s three weeks today! I’ve kept her alive for THREE WHOLE WEEKS!”
20. Of all the world’s heartbreaks, I’m most burdened by abused kids. I hope to be a foster parent someday.
21. I have a thing for hammocks. Add a cozy quilt, a great book, and a glass of lemonade and kids, you’re on your own!
22. I always blame my “fashionlessness” on an unwillingness to spend a lot of money on clothes. But even if money was no object, would I do any better?
23. I value honesty in my friendships. Although the truth hurts, I always feel like my friends really care about me when they call me out on something. How much you wanna bet I get eight million phone calls this week from all of you with old grudges against me that you’re dying to get off your chest?
24. The older I get, the simpler I want life to be. I hope my faith, relationships, and life pursuits become more about love and joy and less about everything else.
25. Maybe I wouldn’t mind teaching college someday. Just throwing it out there.

Kings and Queens

While perusing the books and toy department of TJ MAXX...

Lil' Miss: Mom, did you know I'm really good at riding my bike?

me: Yep.

Lil' Miss: I'm the Queen of Riding Bikes!

me: Hmmm.

Lil' Miss: And Baby Dude is the King of Diapers!

me: That's for sure.

(Silence.)

me: Hey, what about me?

Lil' Miss: You're the Queen of Diet Coke!

ee: No, you've got me confused with my soda mentor, your Annie Weenie (Auntie Wendy).

Lil' Miss: Oh... well then, you're the Queen of... of... PRESENTS!

me: That's convenient, considering where we are.

Beating Around the Blush

Yesterday, I walked into my bathroom and caught Lil' Miss red-handed. Or should I say red-faced? With powder brush in hand, she was dousing her cheeks with my blush. I think she was going for the Russian nesting doll look.
I was shocked. She was busted. But just as I was about to reprimand her for getting into my make-up she quickly reassured me, "No, Mom, it's okay. I'm fiiiiiine. It's me, Mom. It's JUST ME! "

Either she really believes I share her fear of face paint, or that was the shrewdest act of punishment evasion I've ever witnessed.

Why Your Internet Connection Keeps Crashing

I imagine the internet airways are pretty tied up today because of this:

Banish Boring Words is finally available for preodering today!

http://books.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=banish+boring+words&r=1