Babysitter's Note

A few days ago, I subbed at the middle school where I used to teach. I don't leave the kids all day like that very often which probably explains the absurd note I left for our babysitter. If you'd call it a note. More like a case study in maternal neurosis. Here's the note beloved babysitter Amy had to sift through early Wednesday morning:

"Hi Amy!
Thank you so much for watching the kids today. My mom will be here at 1pm to pick them up and take them back to her house. She'll put Baby Dude down for a nap at her house so don't let that fellah fall asleep. Do whatever it takes, Amy, and look alive, little boy. Look alive!

Here's just a few "foods" for thought about the day:

Lunch stuff is in the fridge- goods to make pb&j, turkey and cheese sandwiches, etc. I also bought you a salad because I couldn't remember if you were one of those "free-range" types and based on their customer service, I'm pretty sure Vons could care less about the quality of their turkeys' lives.

Help yourself to whatever else you can find- EXCEPT THE SPAGHETTI! It's older than Dick Cheney and probably tastes just as bad.

Baby Dude could also be fine with cut-up turkey, apple slices, string cheese and raisins in case you're like me and get a kick out of making separate meals for everyone.

I left money on the counter for you to take a walk to Golden Spoon after lunch if you want. Be forewarned: Lil' Miss may present a very convincing argument that "My mom MAKES me eat two toppings of m&m's on my frozen yogurt." Be strong, Amy. Be strong.

And some activity ideas...

• play with toys
• read books
• puzzles
• playdoh
• sing songs
• sidewalk chalk
• hopscotch
• go for a walk
• go to the park
• practice shapes and letters
• paint
• play in the front yard
• play in the backyard
• dance (no, I don't know where she learned those moves...)
• brush up on conversational Spanish
• compose sonnets
• joust
• arrange flowers (neighbor's flowers, please...)
• think outside the box
• think inside the box (see Baby Dude's closet for large box)
• party like it's 1999
• study Nostradamus
• reinvent the wheel
• shoot the breeze
• trap freeloading neighborhood cats who use our backyard like a tollroad
• Ignore abovementioned activities and just watch cartoons the whole time (Just make sure you turn the tv off and quickly grab a book to read to them when my mom's car pulls up in the driveway.)
  
  Sorry if I was too detail-oriented (not neurotic, not micro-managing. Detail-oriented.). I just didn't want you to feel stuck or lost like I do most of the time as a mother. Call us if you need ANYTHING! ~Leilen"
  
  Okay, so maybe this wasn't the EXACT note I left her, but it was pretty close. My first draft was even worse. Yes, I write multiple drafts and revisions of my babysitter notes. You got a problem with that?