Plant Guy

me: Knock, knock! (You say, "Who's there?")
you: Who's there?
me: Palm Tree.
you: Palm Tree who?
me: Palm Tree who is dead because you forgot to water me while Plant Papa was gone on business.

What's that? Not funny, you say? Darn right it's not funny! What makes you think there's anything even remotely humorous about a dead palm tree? Trust me. I'm an expert in this area. No one knows more than I do what serious business plant watering is when you're left as Second in Command, not to mention what serious consequences lay in wait for those who don't take it seriously. Unless of course you'd enjoy being scorned by your husband who now only addresses you as "Murderess Madagascariensis".

I don't remember signing up for this on our wedding day, but back then he wasn't quite the palm enthusiast* he is today. Was there an exact moment that triggered this tropical fascination or did it grow slowly over time? (ha ha! a little plant humor for you...). Actually, no one is exactly sure when it all took root (baa haa! Help yourself to seconds!), but Honk's mom, Nana, seems to think it was the bonzai tree she gave him for eighth grade graduation. She said he was meticulous about his watering, pruning, and styling of that Japanese work of art. Never mind that she killed it months later, starving it to death while he was on an extended surf trip. Oh the wrath she must have endured! I feel your pain, Nana. He should have taken that as a definite foreshadowing of the type of care another woman in his life would one day provide (or not provide) his plants. Listen to the signs, people. The SIGNS!

Our own children, on the other hand, having been born into this gardening subculture, are very much at home with it. They completely understand that while they are Dad's favored children, they are by no means his only children. There are the "other kids" to attend to. Rather than begrudging this fact, Lil' Miss and even Baby Dude join in at the end of a long work day to help with the watering of the heliconias, flame throwers, ferns, purple royals, fox tails, gingers, crown shaft kings, elephant ears, triangle palms, giant fish tails, cannae lilies, and kentias with as much enthusiasm as their father. Occasionally, I sense a little jealous tension between Lil' Miss and the dypsis baronii or sometimes even the chamberonya macrocarpa when Dad pays them too much attention, but it usually blows over quickly. And one time, I did catch Baby Dude pulling and fondling the howea forsteriana fronds, but can you blame him? In the plant world, she's a hottie!

Plants and palms are as much a part of our kids' lives as goldfish crackers and Hide-and-Seek. Lil' Miss and Baby Dude are locals at Escondido plant sales where they munch on barbequed hamburgers and run up and down the aisles of ti plants and bromeliads. I swear they could probably even speak a broken form of Latin after listening to the plant chatter of Dad and other members of The Palm Society of Southern California who strut around nurseries talking like Roman senators and wearing t-shirts that say "Got Trunk?"

It's a strange, unexpected world I find myself in, but one I'm grateful for. Even though I whine and drag my feet when he steers me over to see new flowers on a plant, I'm thankful that he's "into" so many things in life. I like it that he has such interesting interests. It makes life, well, interesting. Besides, I love the smile that settles on his face when he's sitting out back on a bench staring out at his lush garden. A seriously impressive creation. And COME ON, didn't you see our house when we first moved in, the post nuclear wasteland we called a backyard? It's an exotic tropical paradise now, thanks to the fine work of Plant Papa.

So, to answer your question, yes, I am watering the kids, Honk. Love and miss you. By the way, Baby Dude is cleaning out your closet. At least that's what he's telling me he's doing...

*Is is me, or is that just a fancy word for "geek"?