How to make an "Impression" on a Potential Employer

1. Complete application and drop off paper work at job site. Don't call ahead of time despite potential employer's email request that you make an appointment. Just show up unannounced. This will establish you as an independent, "out-of-the-box" thinker.

2. Bring someone along with you, if you like. Perhaps the company of your two-year-old in a stroller? Just be sure not to strap him in so he has full range of motion when the time is right.

3. You probably thought you could just hand off your paperwork to the secretary and be on your way. Not so. The secretary will ask you to wait in the lobby while she phones the head of HR to come out and speak with you. Do not be alarmed. Although you will interrupt HR's urgent project or important meeting when she gets your call, just remember that you are more important and worth every moment of her valuable time.

4. When she takes you back to her office, she will waste no time going over the necessary information. Simultaneously, your two-year-old will announce that he is "done" sitting quietly in the stroller. His squawking and arm flailing will reach new heights of hysteria that leave even YOU speechless. Immediately remove two-year-old from stroller while never breaking eye contact with HR. Stay calm. HR is too impressed by your multi-tasking to be annoyed by two-year-old.

5. Continue pretending to listen to HR's instructions while holding two-year-old in your arms. He's really "done" with this place now and is going to let you know it. You will suffer repeated, close-range blows to your face from those sweet, chubby little hands. The slaps will be coming at you so quickly you will not be able to stop them. Keep smiling and nodding at the appropriate times. You will find it increasingly difficult to maintain your composure when he grabs a handful of your lips and begins to twist them around on your face like a knob. Continue with the smiling and head nodding. You are truly showcasing your crisis management skills now.

6. Unexpectedly, your potential employer will appear and invite you into a conference room to meet the entire staff. Put aside the challenges you've faced thus far because now's your time to shine. Smile and shake hands with confidence as if to say, "Look at me! I'm your gal!" Try not to read too much into their facial expressions. True, a few of them look confused, maybe even a bit uncomfortable, but they probably just ate too much for lunch.

7. It's time to leave the job site and give yourself a pat on the back. You were the picture of professionalism!

8. As you buckle your two-year-old into his car seat, happen to glance into the car window. You may notice long, dark streaks across your cheek in a shade of red bearing a striking resemblance to the lipstick you applied this morning. At this point, I have no further assistance to offer you. You are on your own with this one. Good Luck! (You're going to need it...)