A Year in Review

Some of my friends like to look through their calendars at the end of the year to reflect back on memorable people, places, and events. I think it's much more interesting to clean out the "Favorites" file on my internet browser. As I search to delete old websites that I've bookmarked over the year, I find myself smiling the same way I do when I look through an old photo album. I even learn a few life lessons along the way. Here are just a few of "my favorite things" of 2008.

1. www.crateandbarrel.com
Apparently, I was in the market for one of these entryway benches because there were at least fifteen other sites similar to this one, all of them benches of dark wood, approximately thirty-six inches long. Funny how I completely forgot about it, the bench I just HAD to have, the bench I fantasized about, arranged under our entryway mirror in my mind a thousand times...

2. http://www.theracingexperience.com/
I spent weeks researching various car racing schools for Honk's birthday. I think this example serves as some pretty good evidence that despite my incessant throat clearing, a decade of dinners consisting of tacos, spaghetti, taco salad, and spaghetti salad, and whiny complaints about dirty, discarded socks, I am still the BEST WIFE EVER!!!


3. http://www.cuddlebabies.com/
I remember how stoked I was to discover this site. They sent me a printing kit so my kids' actual handprints could be scanned onto silver charms. Very cool. These charms earned me the highly sought after "Daughter-In-Law-of-the-Year" award.

Unfortunately, I can't recommend these precious charms to you because dealing with their customer service was about as enjoyable as having a broken arm reset. They overcharged me, never returned my phone calls, and basically gave me the run-around. (Bitter? Who's bitter?) This one is a great reminder that you can have a great product (or image or message or philosophy etc., etc.), but if you don't treat people well, who cares? As it stands, I'd rather wear my children's toenail clippings around my neck than one of their stupid charms (unless they'd like to return my money and my phone calls in which case, YES, of course I'll wear your adorable charms...)

4. www.disney.go.com/magicartist/coloring/index.html
I'd say about half of my 2008 bookmarks were princess-related sites: princess videos, princess toys, princess gowns, princess games... This one is an online princess coloring page from the Disney website.

Holy Fairy Godmother, was that girl crazy about princesses! Almost everything we did and everywhere we went involved some element of princessmania. How many trips to the grocery store, the bank, and the library did those princess gowns make? At some point they no longer felt like cartoon characters, but like distant relatives or ancestors whom we kept alive with our dress-ups and reinactments.

But those gowns don't get out all that much anymore. Occasionally, when a friend comes over to play, Lil' Miss might take out her princess barbie dolls or open the lid to her chest and rummage around for a certain gown, but not all that often. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think Lil' Miss's princess stage might be coming to a close. For all my eye rolling and deep sighing while assisting in those countless princess wardrobe changes, I will really miss those ladies. (sniff, sniff...)

5. http://www.customcorsets.com/
About this time last year, I was being prepped for abdominal surgery. After delivering Baby Dude, I discovered an abnormal lump under my right rib cage. I showed family members and close friends who felt it and said, "Hmmm... You should definitely get that thing checked out." I went to my Primary Physician who felt it and said, "Hmmm... You should definitely have a surgeon check that thing out." I went to a reputable Newport Beach surgeon who felt it and said, "Hmmm... hernia? tumor? CANCER? You should definitely have an ultrasound taken of that thing, whatever it is... I'm still scheduling you for surgery next week."

I went to get an ultrasound and quietly asked the technician, "So, listen. I know you're not supposed to say anything, but just between you and me, what do YOU think it is?" She never took her eyes off of that ultrasound machine when she whispered under her breath, "So they really ruled out a floating rib?"

"A WHAT? I asked.

"A floating rib. Go look it up. I'm just saying, it looks and feels like one to me..."

I raced home and typed in "floating rib" on the internet. In case you're an anatomical nitwit like myself, allow me to introduce you: Reader, Floating Rib. Floating rib, Reader.

Floating ribs are classified as our bottommost ribs which are not attached to our ribcage. They are actually joined to our back vertebrae, making them more... pliable. During my floating rib research, I discovered numerous accounts of women who after giving birth to big babies (Baby Dude definitely fell in the "big baby" category at 9 lbs, 11 oz.) discovered ribs poking out of their abdomens. Apparently, big, uterus-hogging babies can actually push out or reshape the floating ribs. My reading convinced me that it was definitely a floating rib. It had to be! It was the only thing that made any sense. But I was still scheduled for surgery in a few days!

Meanwhile, the ultrasound tests came back inconclusive. I mentioned the floating rib to my primary physician who said, "Hmmm... could be!" I mentioned the floating rib to my surgeon who said, "Hmmm... could be! Uhhhhh... let's postpone surgery for now."

Good idea, doc! Geez, so much for faith in the medical profession! If I ever encounter another body oddity again, I'm going straight to an ultrasound technician and to the only true, unbiased source of knowledge left on this planet- Wikipedia!

Relieved that cancer, tumors, and surgery were no longer on my long list of things to worry about, I still had to deal with the rib protrusion. It looked like a baby alien had burrowed itself in my body cavity and was trying to poke it's head out through my stomach. (Maybe an exaggeration, but only a slight one.) What was I supposed to do? Ignore it? Pretend that everyone's ribs open and close like security gates? Now how was I supposed to enter and win the Mrs. Huntington Beach beauty/bathing suit competition? (Hey! What are you laughing about!) I had to explore my options and that's when I came up with this brilliant idea:

That's right, a custom-made corset. Think Elizabethan-Courtier-Meets-Suburban-Housewife, minus the sultry poses and seductive eyes. I know. Not exactly what you were thinking for me, but I was desperate! How else was I supposed to force my mutant rib into submission?

Lucky for me (and for my family, friends, and anyone else who comes in contact with me), I would soon discover from internet testimonials that these expensive boa constrictors for the waist are uncomfortable, sweaty, and must be worn all day and all night for MONTHS AT A TIME. I tried to imagine how I'd carry out my motherly duties with one of these things on. "Sorry, kids. Mommy can't play Hide-n-Seek anymore because I can no longer bend down. I also can't give baths, cook, or do any other activity requiring physical movement. Mommy would also appreciate it if you didn't make her laugh or turn too quickly unless you enjoy watching her cry like a wounded puppy."

It's been quite a while since I've come back to this site. It's a good reminder that life's uncertainties and unexpecteds can make you feel terrible and desperate in the moment. But usually, time has a way of working things out or helping you to forget. At least until bathing suit season comes around again...

I know, this post was WAY too long. But we're talking about a whole year here! I could waste an hour of your reading time just talking about port-a-potties, so what'dya expect?

It's amazing to think about all that goes on in one year, isn't it?