Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

One of my parenting magazines arrived yesterday so I sat down for a few minutes to have a quick skim. I came across an interview with a pediatrician that really surprised me. He was asked, "Please speak for all doctors. What is the most annoying thing we parents do?" His response was, "Overreact to the little ills of childhood. American kids are the healthiest humans who have ever lived. But their parents often fear they're one sniffle away from certain doom."

Hmmmm... He really has no idea why my generation of parents are crazy paranoid about everything? I wonder if he's ever even read this magazine? I doubt it. If he had, he'd know why. Just take a look at some of the topics included in this month's issue:
Baby Obesity Risk
Is it Really ADHD?
Worms Warning
Hot Topic: Vaccines and Autism
Why Babies Need Shots
Do Babies Need to Take Vitamin Supplements?
Product Recalls
Top 7 Hazards (Of summer)
Too Much Television
Warning: Don't Drink the Water!

This one killed me. It was titled It Happened to Me: "My Daughter's ear grew over her earring!" Yep, it's true. Apparantly, a doctor had to surgically reopen the ear hole of this poor eight-year-old to remove her earring. And she can't be the only one. No, no. This story took up half of the page so there must be others, probably MILLIONS of little girls out there whose ears are slowly devouring their heart-shaped gold studs, right at this very moment. Now tell me, who has time to worry about inflated gas prices or the housing market recession when, at any moment, my children's body parts may suddenly start expanding, taking over their clothes, shoes, and toys? "Baby Dude, where's your bouncy ball? It was in your hand just a second ago..." And I'll tell you one thing, Lil' Miss can beg and cry all the way to Oprah, but there's no way she's ever getting her ears pierced. E-VER.

Sometimes reading these magazines is like being on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride where one moment it's "La-la-la, Baking Cupcakes, Summertime Games, having a good time..." and the next few pages you're bombarded by signs reading "Go back! Do Not Enter! Danger Ahead!" To be honest, I'm surprised that young parents today aren't even more neurotic than they are. With so much to worry about, I'm pretty sure the only reason I can even sleep at night is sheer exhaustion.

I could have gone on, but I'm already breaking out in a sweat just writing this, so I have to stop. I will say this: Sometimes I long for those peace-loving, easy-does-it days our parents knew, the days of pregnant smokers, babyoil tans, and carseat-less station wagons ("Just lay them down in the back. The rolling around helps put them to sleep."). Today's young parents have been brought up in a culture of fear in that we're afraid of what we know and terrified of what we don't know. It's not that we want to be ignorant, but we could definitely go for more of the bliss. I'm pretty sure that's where faith comes in and I let someone else, someone just a wee bit more in control of the situation than I am, take the reigns. Which sounds nice because I could sure use a nap right now.