Sometimes my own thoughts embarrass me.

"I wonder if some women remarry just to re-register. Admit it. It was pretty fun..."

"I always feel so much better after a good cry. I wonder how many calories a woman burns after a really good cry, the kind of cry where your eyes are swollen shut and the pounding in your head reaches a 9.5 on the migraine scale. I would much rather have a good cry than go for a twenty minute jog..."

"I really like those stickers on the backs of cars that use cartoon people or flip flops or even turtles to represent each family member. Sometimes when I pass one of these cars, I hold my breath and slowly glance over, wondering, hoping that maybe this time I just might actually see a real family of turtles in those seats..."

"I wonder why I get so excited when I hear that a pregnant friend will deliver at Hoag. Is it the new state-of-the-art women's wing with private ocean rooms? Or the nationally-acclaimed physicians and nursing staff? It must be that I'm reminded of my own experiences there giving birth to those tiny miracles, my heavenly bundles of joy. Naaaah! It's the cranberry spritzers. Definitely the spritzers..."

"I wonder if an electronic stud finder would make a good birthday present for a girl friend going through a break up..."

"I wonder if 'Boobs Magilicutty', our eighty-year-old neighbor across the street (who never wears a shirt even if it's Decemeber and flaunts his manbreasts every time he takes out the trash) is as jealous of me as I am of him..."

I know, it's amazing I have any friends at all.